Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
