Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
