I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
