I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
