There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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