New low: just hacked my moms facebook
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
