Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
