once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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