well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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