Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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