some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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