Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
