she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
