Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
