My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
