what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
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Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
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Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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