I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
