Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
