Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
