I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
