Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
