We're facebook friends in real life
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
