she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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