I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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