So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize