this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
