He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it hurts more in the daytime
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
