Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
