Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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