If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up under a house in Key West
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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