I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
His nipple licking is glorious
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