I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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