i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
