If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Say something about gay babies.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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