what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
All I want is dick and wine.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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