maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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