So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
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