I just made out with a guy for $7.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
