i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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