Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
