peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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