Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
