i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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