Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize