I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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