i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
