3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
