I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
