It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
