i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
