How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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