WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
