best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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