I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
