The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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