ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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