Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Still dying that you shit outside
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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