Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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