i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i think my cat just said my name.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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