i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We left the knife in your bed.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
