is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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