my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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