I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
