I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
