no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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