taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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