I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
