The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
