Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
