Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
how drunk are you?
Several
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
