Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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